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SOCRATIC PARENTING: Know Yourself. Know Your Child Imagine a parenting book that doesn't
tell parents what to do, but teaches the art of self-discovery using the same methods parents can use to encourage their children's
growth and learning. As an experienced language teacher, trial attorney, and parent, I am writing a book inspired by Socrates,
Plato's teacher. I am a child
expert. I don't claim to be an expert on all children, mind you. I'm an expert on a child. One child.
Mine. If you are reading this you are probably a child expert, too, or hoping to become one. When seeking advice
from self-proclaimed child experts, remember to trust your instincts. There are exceptions to every rule, and no one
knows your child better than you do. I have read everything ever written by Socrates.
This fact alone does not make me an expert on the subject, mostly because Socrates was too busy asking questions and engaging
in probing dialogues to take time to write anything down. He did have an equally famous and philosophical student, Plato,
who took the time to write about his teacher's habit of always answering a question with a question. Another of Socrates'
students, Xenophon was less of a philosopher, but also wrote about Socrates. Most
parents aren't going to read The Complete Works of Plato or Xenophon's Memorabilia, Oeconomicus,
Symposium, and Apology either. Most parents would be in a much better position to discipline consistently,
however, if we spent more time on determining and following our own personal philosophies than on reading how-to books and
looking for quick convenient fixes. Socratic Parenting makes
the philosophy of Socrates accessible to parents by focusing parents
on the need to examine their own values and goals in order to select wisely from the overwhelming assortment of parenting
tools available in this information age. Parents must know themselves and be themselves to raise their children with confidence
and consistency. 2012 is the year! The book remains a work in progress. In 2005 I wrote a non-fiction proposal
and contracted with a literary agent. When the agent's health problems forced him to terminate our contract in 2006,
the book ended up on a back burner. It is now back on my TTD list for 2012. I've been living and
developing the Socratic Parenting concept for last decade. Here is a taste of Socratic Parenting...
Parenting isn't about having all the answers. It's about helping your child learn to think for herself. It's about
exploring ideas together, discovering the world together, and rediscovering yourself through the eyes of your child. Socratic
parenting focuses on developing a personal parenting philosophy and sharing that philosophy with your child through dialogues,
asking open-ended questions rather than trying to force your own ideas and belief system upon the child.
Other
parenting books focus on the sameness of children. All children need food, love, sleep, stimulation, discipline, medical attention,
etc. Socratic Parenting focuses on the uniqueness of each parent and child. Other parenting books have catchy tricks-of-the-trade
and long lists of do's and don'ts with the premise that if it appears to be effective, it must be good. Socratic Parenting
asks, "Why does it work, and what is it that I'm really teaching my child?" By developing their own self-knowledge
and knowing their child, parents can focus on their personal beliefs and goals in determining how best to handle situations
with their child as the situations arise.
Socrates is a one-stop shop for exploring the great philosophical questions.
The Greeks consider him to be the inventor of ethics, based upon his questions directed to law, justice, and goodness. While
he was a relatively young man, the Delphic Oracle pronounced Socrates the wisest of all men, but Socrates believed that if
he was the wisest, it was only because he understood that he knew nothing. What better foundation of philosophy for all parents
be they new parents overwhelmed by feeling "I-know-nothing" or more seasoned parents facing the "You-know-nothing"
attitude of teenagers? GETTING STARTED Ask yourself these questions about your parents: 1. Did my parents show me respect?
2. Did my parents make me feel comfortable?
3. Did my parents
give me a chance to ask questions?
4. Did my parents really listen to my questions?
5. Were my questions answered
in terms I understood?
6. Did my parents ask me questions?
7. Did my parents address my concerns?
8. Did my
parents ask my preferences?
9. Did I feel that my parents spent enough time with me? PARENTING AFFIRMATIONS
Socratic parents understand that
you cannot control or change your children. The only person that you can control and change is yourself. An excellent first
step toward changing yourself is to begin using affirmations. By articulating exactly what it is that you wish to become without
worrying about how you can or will accomplish it, your mind can begin doing the work for you, finding ways to make it happen.
Affirmations are short, clear affirmative statements of your desired goal. Because you're focusing on changing yourself, affirmations
should begin, "I ... ." They must be completely positive, with no negative words or ideas (i.e., no, not, stop,
refrain). Here are 10 examples that I've developed and used for myself:
1. I am a loving, nurturing parent.
2. I respond calmly in all situations.
3. I listen to and acknowledge my child's words, body language,
and emotions.
4. I practice proactive discipline.
5. I explore and discover the world with my child.
6. I learn and grow with my child.
7. I work cooperatively with my child to identify and solve problems.
8. I model good habits and good choices for my child.
9. I love and accept my child for
who she is.
10. I trust my child to develop good habits and make good choices.
Prayer of Socrates
Grant that I may be beautiful inside. Let all my external possessions
be in friendly harmony with what is within. May I consider the wise man rich. As for gold, may I have as much as a moderate
man could bear and carry with him.
--Phaedras 279c
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